You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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