He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
