"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
this just has baby written all over it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
