I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
