you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
