I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
