I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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