did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
