Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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