With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
