You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
