we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
