is your mom at the bar?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
