i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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