The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
