so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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