God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
