Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this boner is exhausting
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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