Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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