I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
