i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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