I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
