im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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