i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
