I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's blow job season.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
