I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
