How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
