I can text with my tongue
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
