"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
