You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
