1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
