If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
