If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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