:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
