i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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