Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
