Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
