You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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