I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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