I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
