i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
