I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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