it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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