Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
