Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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