you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
