she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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