Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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