And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
even my farts smell like vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
