we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
