guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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